THE CHARACTERS & SYNOPSIS OF "HEAVEN ROCKS"

MOSES

When the rock starts first meet Moses, he isn't anything like they imagined. Moses' first words show him to be more of a Yiddish comic rather the Moses in the "Ten Commandments". "Yeah, I'm Moses!  What? You were expecting maybe Charlton Heston?!"  "Charlton Heston!", he bemoans, "Can you believe they got HIM to play ME in the movie?!  The least they could have done was to get a “REAL Jew” to play me!  “I don't think Charlton Heston could even pronounce ’L'Chaim’ without giving himself a hernia!"

Although he seems to have some animosity toward Charlton Heston, Moses secretly wonders if he should act more like him to enhance his heavenly image. His identity crisis with Heston continues throughout, often transforming his trusted "staff" into an assault rifle ("Not from my cold dead hands!") or mistakenly telling Satan, "Take your stinkin' paws off him, you damned dirty ape!", instead of "Let My People Go!"

Moses is upset with the fact that after years of talking about a "Rock and Roll Heaven", rock music will finally be performed at Jesus' birthday party.  Moses hates rock music and doesn't understand how so many "rockers" made it into Heaven after leading such sinful and self-destructive lifestyles on Earth.  
 
There is only one thing Moses hates more than rock music. . . "RAP!"  And he bemoans the fact that a lot of rappers are now in Heaven.  Says Moses, "That notorious BIG GUY and that TUPAC SHAKUR! . . What kind of name is that?!. . . TUPAC??. . . That's what I told the Israelites. . . I told them “TO PACK” their bags, I was leading them out of Egypt!!". . . And how can they even call that music?!  I mean 'Rap' is already three quarters of “crap”. . . Right?!"  Moses is representative of all the voices who have complained about the corruptive influences that any type of "new music" has had for the past 100 years.

SATAN

Satan is depressed and in need of Prozac and Zanax as he sulks in Hell.  It's December 25th and while the “Concert of the Ages” is being planned in Heaven, he's stuck downstairs with the likes of Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Attila the Hun, "and all those guys who think they're gonna meet 72 Virgins. . . A real bunch of fun guys. . . ", he moans. Satan is especially upset because for over half a century, it was HE who has always been blamed for the Rock and Roll music! But his spirits are lifted when he learns of Moses' dissatisfaction and dissent about rock music finally being allowed in Heaven.  He feels that Moses' negativity is just his ticket to crash the party.  Satan chooses the perfect disguise to unleash his evil plan. . . an entertainment attorney!!

JESUS

Jesus is very laid back and content with modern day Heaven.  He feels he did his "hard time" on Earth (the “Cross Thing”), and is quite comfortable relaxing and running "his Dad’s” business.  He's also quite excited that rock music is being planned for his birthday party.

Jesus feels he has a lot in common with the rock stars. ""We both had long hair. . . toured the country to a large group of adoring fans. . . lived fast, died young.”  To which Moses retorts, "What young?!  You were 33!  In those days, that was considered OLD!. . . Just be thankful you had your health!" Unfortunately, the one thing Jesus doesn't have in common with the rock stars is his singing voice.  He is tone deaf (although he doesn't realize it) and he is driving everyone in Heaven nuts with his off-key singing.  Says Moses, " Ya know, you can walk on water. . . you can change water into wine...and now I know how you raise the dead. . . IT’S YOUR SINGING!!!!!"   Jesus is the "New Testament kid" trying to be hip and fit in with his new friends. . . the rock stars.

JOHN LENNON

With rock music finally being allowed in Heaven, John Lennon has been designated to coordinate the concert's "set list" but he is overwhelmed by the demands of dozens of rock legends who want to perform.   He still retains his sharp wit (such as lightly arguing with Jesus over "Who's the most popular") but is often frustrated when almost everyone tells him that HE sang their favorite song, when it turns out to be a song sung by one of the "other Beatles".

JUDY GARLAND

Next to Satan, the "Heaven Rocks" Judy is the party crasher who becomes the rock stars worst nightmare!  A confused mixture of the "sweet innocent Dorothy" character and the older "lush-like"
drunken Judy, she is under the impression that she deserves to be the "headliner" at the rockin’ "Birthday Celebration"....much to the dismay of the rock stars.  She is Heaven's ultimate,
bitchy Diva.

ELVIS PRESLEY

Elvis is.....Well, ELVIS!  He's still Heaven's King of Rock and Roll and although he has become an older (and heavier) parody of himself, he still looks forward to once again, "swiveling those hips".

JANIS JOPLIN

Janis, like Elvis, still retains her humor and attitude she was known for on earth.  She, like all the other rock stars, feel that whatever bad or negative events may have occurred in their lives and brought them to Heaven at an early age, can be outweighed by the glory of bringing their music back to life.  Their music...is their Heaven.

JOHN BELUSHI

Excited that he can finally put his "Blues Brothers" act together again (possibly with Ray Charles or James Brown), Belushi retains his usual sarcastic humor (such as bringing up the old story about Mama Cass choking to death on a Ham sandwich or even joking about his own death).  Belushi constantly tries to bring humor to even the "darkest" subjects about the rock stars past.

AND ALSO STARRING. . .

THE BURNING BUSH

Imagine Moses' shock, when after almost 6,000 years he once again comes face to face with the "Burning Bush"!. . . This time in the form of a "not-so-lean" and mean "Rock and Gospel" singing DIVA! (sort of a cross between Pearl Bailey and Little Richard!) 
Definitely a "Burning Bush" of the 21st Century!

ALSO STARRING IN MUSICAL ROLES

JIMI HENDRIX..KURT COBAIN..JIM MORRISON..TUPAC SHAKUR..MAMA CASS
KAREN CARPENTER..FREDDIE MERCURY..JAMES BROWN..GILDA RADNER..
JERRY GARCIA..GEORGE HARRISON..SAM KINISON..MARILYN MONROE..
ROY ORBISON..BUDDY HOLLY... plus more


SYNOPSIS

It's the 21st Century in Heaven and after decades of all the talk about a "Rock and Roll Heaven" and how they've got a "Helluva Band", it's finally been agreed to allow the music greats of yesteryear to perform their greatest hits at the December 25th "Birthday Celebration." This decision is particularly upsetting to Heaven's veteran ambassador MOSES. Besides hating rock and roll music (almost as much as he hates "Hip Hop" and "Rap”), Moses also can't understand how many of the rock stars even made it into Heaven after the sinful and self-destructive lifestyles they led on Earth.

The "birthday boy" himself, on the other hand, is quite excited, about rock music being performed at his birthday party. Jesus feels he has a lot in common with the rock stars and tries to convince Moses to accept the fact that "the-times-they-are-a-changin’." Moses stubbornly refuses to accept the changes and instead wishes he had an attorney to help him stop the rock concert.  Unfortunately, he remembers that "there just aren't any attorneys up here in Heaven!"

Meanwhile, down in Hell, Satan has joyfully been observing the conflict between Moses, Jesus and the Rock Stars.  He feels that Moses' negativity is "just the ticket" he needs to crash the "Birthday Celebration” and raise some Hell up in Heaven! He also feels that this is his chance to get some revenge for always being blamed for the Rock and Roll music. Realizing he needs some type of disguise, Satan decides to make Moses' wish come true by becoming everyone's worst nightmare. . . an Entertainment Attorney!

Back in Heaven, Jesus has joined the rock stars backstage as they begin to start the concert.  But as Marilyn Monroe is singing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, Satan suddenly appears and cuts her off. Satan explains that the song "Happy Birthday to You" isn't in the public domain and that Marilyn doesn't have permission to sing it.

Over everyone's objections, Satan gleefully explains that the performance of any copyrighted songs, without permission from entities such as BMI, ASCAP, or other music publishers could be a cause for damages.  He also explains that any type of performance by the rock stars themselves would be a violation of the "Right to Publicity" laws and would be an infringement of the rights to those on Earth who own the rights to their images and names. Satan then presents Jesus with an injunction that causes the concert to be canceled.

In another part of Heaven, Moses has been wandering around, completely unaware of the problems he has unwittingly caused by his negative feelings about Rock and Roll.  As a thundering voice is heard, Moses realizes he is being revisited by an old friend from his past. . . the "Burning Bush". A "heated" discussion between Moses and the "Burning Bush" regarding the merits of rock music and the rock stars themselves, causes the "Burning Bush" to make a threat. If Moses would prefer, the "ROCK" can be replaced by "RAP"!

Deciding that the lesser of two evils might be his best bet, Moses allows his trusted "staff" to be transformed into a new, powerful electric guitar. After the "Burning Bush" explains the problems his negativity has caused in Heaven, Moses is reborn with a new appreciation of the rock stars and the rock music.

Satan (still disguised as a lawyer) continues to torment the rock stars and Jesus.  But before he can make his triumphant exit, Moses appears with a new look and a new attitude. . . "Let My People Go. . . You Sleazy Lawyer!!" Moses exposes the "lawyer" as being Satan, and then proceeds to explain legal scenarios that will allow the concert to continue.  

Down but not out, Satan then tries to use Moses' earlier comments against him, as well as comments made by the rock stars themselves.  He attempts to lay claim to the "souls” of many in attendance. With help from many of the rock stars, Moses explains the positive messages he learned from the "Burning Bush" and why the rock stars deserved to stay in Heaven. Dejected and foiled again, Satan is cast back into Hell.
   
With everything "heavenly" in Heaven again, a large curtain opens to a massive and appreciative audience as the rockin' "Birthday Celebration" begins. Led by Heaven's newest rock stars, “JC” and “Moe”, scores of legendary performers jam together in the rousing finale.  As the song ends and the crowd screams for more, Elvis has to walk to the microphone and say. . .

"Ladies and Gentlemen. . . Jesus has left the building.”

 



©2007 Heaven Rocks Productions
Book, Music, and Lyrics by Jason Mershon